@ilovepie84: I put suicide notes next to roadkill so their animal families have some closure
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@FatherWithTwins: Parenting is great if you want to relive every moment from your childhood when your parents got mad at you - from your parents' perspective.
@hayes_t_r: Chemists do tell jokes, but there's no reaction because all their people skills Argon. Omg, that's Sodium funny, right? Na? Okay.
@Smug_Lemur: A hammock is really cool until you try to get out of it. I'm going to have to live here now. Goodnight.
@NicestHippo: Piracy dates back to the 14th century, when armed criminals boarded ships and viciously watched movies that weren't out yet