@VerifiedDrunk: I put the 'fun' in functional alcoholic.
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@QwertyJones3: [nail salon] Excuse me, do you do filing here? "Yes of course we do!" Great! I need a good refund *hands over tax forms*
@Tmoney68: My kleptomania has always been a challenge, but stealing from this bakery really takes the cake.
@NYC_Blonde: Do men prefer straight or curly hair? Need to know so I can tell my roommate the opposite and then try to steal her boyfriend.
@DontDraketheIce: Detective: how were u able to do it? Serial Killer: thanks to the flexibility of Uber. I was able to work my own hours and still murder