@treywafer: I put the "m" in illiterate
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@OBiiieeee: Took a poop without my phone. Had no idea what to do with my hands. Did the Macarena. What a day.
@jordan_stratton: Whelp. It's December. That time of year when I have zero excuse for being so sweaty.
@SirEviscerate: [Airport terminal] *waits at baggage claim area* *an entire roast pig emerges on the carousel* *I check the tag to make sure it's mine*
@lloydrang: I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree. I think I found my spirit animal.