@hunz74: I quit drinking and my beer belly is now a pot belly.
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@jackmackenroth: I'm pretty sure all of the 7 dwarfs were named after a stage of Snow Whites' heroin addiction.
@Hurly_Burly: 878 dead bodies lay there. Liam Nesson "Are we done?" Police: "Sure, I don't see any reason why we should arrest you."
@kellysdf: According to the NSA, most of my calls are me saying, "I forgot what you told me to pick up at the store."
@vinfury: Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!