@hunz74: I quit drinking and my beer belly is now a pot belly.
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@weinerdog4life: Do not break eye contact with your waitress as you put the spaghetti in your wallet.
@Aspersioncast: If my girlfriend is late for work & looking for keys, I help by following her around the house & looking in exactly the same spots she does.
@Eagle_Vision: I dreamed I was floating in an ocean of soda, but when I awoke I realized it was just a Fanta Sea.