@evanrhorne: I quit my job today!! The money from that Nigerian king arrives tomorrow, I'm so excited.
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@michaelianblack: Why are we making such a big deal about the wheels on the bus going round and round? They're wheels.
@trojansauce: [after i confess to murder] COP: sarge? you gotta see this [shows interrogation video and sees my fingers crossed the whole time]
@flashember: [Giraffe Weatherman] "Yes Bob, we have a major blizzard happening up here but *giraffe lowers head* on the ground we're still looking good."