@eliserose5: I quit watching awards shows, because I never win anything.
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@blasphe_me: I guess it's not socially acceptable to put my hand in the shape of a gun into my mouth in the middle of a conversation.
@KyleMcDowell86: [Me to the second baseman after I slide into 2nd] Make sure u separate plastics & food waste [Coach from dugout] NOT THAT KIND OF TRASH TALK
@shanethevein: I'm sorry I punched you when you said "Facebook me". I thought you said "Face punch me".
@RamblingMachine: You think your spouse loves you?Put them & a dog in the trunk of the car for a day. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?