@RickAaron: "I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon".
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@Contwixt: Atheists don't seem to recognize church is worth it for the bake sales alone. God, or no god, those are good Brownies.
@KraftDinerr: I literally never cry, so my body makes up for it by leaking out of different places. My doctor says it's called "peeing" what a dumb idiot.
@ElleOhHell: [at library] ME: Yes, I'd like to Czech out a book on eastern Europe. LIBRARIAN: 3rd floor ME: Get it? L: This is dialog, I'm not reading it
@WilliamAder: Went to the car wash and asked for one of those Brazilian wax jobs everyone's been talking about.