@robyn_vo: I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn't tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
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@Ham_Tornado: New children's book I'm working on: "Nobody poops but you, you disgusting little freak".
@DamienFahey: Please pray for my friends' 4-year-old. They found out today 7 minutes of his life wasn't photographed or videotaped and put on Facebook.
@1evilidiot: What's with the attitude? I don't know what's gotten into you but I know what hasn't.
@kelkulus: The coolest part of the bible is where one couple somehow populates the world by having kids from every race and ethnicity.