@robyn_vo: I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn't tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
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@DirtyySouthMess: [To police.] "I want to press charges on my co-worker Steve." "What'd he do?" "Warmed up fish in the office microwave." "...Cuff him."
@EJGomez: angel of God: mary u shall give birth to the son of God himself & he shall be named Jesus & shall die on a cross mary: i have a boyfriend
@roostermustache: Him: my gf left me Me: theres plenty of fish in the sea Him: yeah but- Me: also a squirrel Him: ...what Me: and a sponge in a pineapple