@thrillhicks: I ran into the guy who delivered my pizzas a couple nights ago at a concert and he didn’t even remember who I was. Never meet your heroes.
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@firebrand3: I was informed last week that "cheat day" does not mean what I thought it did. In related news: Baby, sit down. I have to tell you somethin
@SuperTeeWhy: [A Dad about to give the birds & the bees talk] "Son, when-" *Watches son try to poke a Capri Sun for 35 minutes* "Know what, we're good"
@FredPirollo: "Sir can I ask you why you're smoking TWO huge cops?" Blunt, i'm *turns to camera* Doing this tweet wrong *Blunt just stares in confusion*
@Reverend_Scott: COPS: WE'RE COMIN IN "have a police dog?" COPS: YES "only the dog can come in" COP: BUT- "my house, my rules" COP: I guess that's true