@TheRolo: I ran out of coffee this morning, beer seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
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@weeziepeezy: No YOU hug her first .... NO YOU hug her first .... F-that ! YOU hug her FIRST ! .... -Lineup congratulating the Next Ebola free nurse
@sploosk: INTERVIEWER: says here you were fired previously? ME: yeah, I tried putting pizza in the copier INTERVIEWER: [excitedly] did… did it work?
@rickolantern: I'll bet when two cannibals get trapped in an elevator going to lunch, around the fifth minute, things start getting a little weird.