@SlipperySecret: I ran out of excuses to get out of family gatherings, so I moved out of state.
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@Scdavis24: Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
@Darlainky: Kids today will never know the joy of being selected to go outside to dust the erasers.
@Sickayduh: "911, what's your emerg-" "The women at work have synced their uteri and it's Hell" "Sir uteri is not plural for ute-" "TAMPI EVERYWHERE"