@jackiembouvier: I reached blindly inside my cavernous mom bag for a lip balm and I touched something I didn't recognize. Go on without me.
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@Pumpkinbabypie: You know how sharks die if they ever stop swimming? It's the same with my mother in law and talking.
@Cheeseboy22: I think my family is really going to dig the 15 minute powerpoint I've created of the things I am thankful for at Thanksgiving dinner.
@BoogTweets: Me: Take this My Uber passenger: *holds gun in blood soaked car* WTF JUS HAPPENED? Me: You tell me "Mr Finger prints on a murder weapon"