@jackiembouvier: I reached blindly inside my cavernous mom bag for a lip balm and I touched something I didn't recognize. Go on without me.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Book_Krazy: *Aquarium GUIDE: Octopuses are sensitive to camera flash so please turn off...ma'am don't flash the octopus ME: [pulls shirt back down] ok
@dafloydsta: How to annoy your children: Me: Don't come in here without knocking Child: Ok *leaves* *knocks* M: Who is it? C: It's me! M: Go away
@ZBH94: *On deathbed* Me: Will someone make that beeping stop? Wife: I GOT IT!!!! *pulls plug* Nurse: You only had to press the mute. Wife: I know.
@Sean_Burgundy_: I'd probably have more friends if I didn't answer every call with "Why did you save my number?"