@sssh_squirrel: I read all tweets with poor grammar and word choice in a Cookie Monster voice.
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@treydayway: I hate when people use words without knowing the meaning...gives me a huge hysterectomy on the side of my head.
@PeterClayton6: (Adobe CEO's house) Like the new couch hun? Update it. What about the wallpap… UPDATE IT ALL. You're scaring the ki… UPDATE THEM TOO…
@dafloydsta: [marriage counseling] She thinks I'm stupid "He covers himself in baby powder before we have sex" HOW ELSE DO YOU MAKE A BABY, KAREN?
@FlyJ_: You know that one relative that is annoying AF and no one in the family can tolerate? Yeah, she's staying at my house this week.