@sssh_squirrel: I read all tweets with poor grammar and word choice in a Cookie Monster voice.
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@michaeljhudson: Whoops, pizza sauce on my hands. Better wash this off with soap and water. Oh poop on my ass? I'll just use this dry paper and call it good.
@aveuaskew: " I made my famous dip for the office party" You're a regular Abe Lincoln. "But he wasn't a chef" Exactly
@OctoberJones: In honour of Agatha Christie, turn off all the lights and kill one of your work colleagues.
@CornOnTheGoblin: Art Teacher: your drawings are due tomorrow me: [hours later] maybe add in some grapes police sketch artist: ..a bowl of fruit attacked you?