I read an article about a stolen dog being reunited with its owner and it made me feel good to think maybe someone will steal my dog one day

@IGotsSmarts: I wondered why everyone said I had "bed hair", until I looked in the mirror and noticed a tiny mattress on top of my head.

14

@Ygrene: [seeing a skyscraper with all the lights on] oh man the dad of that building is gonna be mad

1

@WTF_MYOB: I have a gut feeling about you. It's called nausea.

1

@ajax06: I have a special place in my heart. For blood and vessels and stuff.

97

@laffytakky: In the past hour I've dropped my phone and my computer. Let me hold your crying baby.

78

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