@TheTalkingPipe: I read you can have a stroke without displaying any symptoms and I was like "holy shit, I'm definitely not displaying any symptoms!"
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@TedBundybitch: 14: what could happen? Me: you could get her pregnant. 14: im not comfortable putting my dingaling in her thingaling Me:*writes suicide note
@MUMSIEesq: Fun DIY Project Even YOU Can Do Step 1: Flip over empty wine bottle Step 2: Use base as weapon
@hippieswordfish: everyone's always asking me 'is your son named after the movie?' and I'm like no idiot Sharknado's 5 yrs old and the movie came out in 2013
@TheMichaelRock: We'd probably have a lot less crime if superheroes would stop making movies all the time.