@seamussaid: I realize not everyone is cool with Easter egg hunts, but they are vital. They help manage the egg population and keep it at healthy levels
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@MelvinofYork: My wife bought me Costco underwear which I assume is the final line of defense against another woman wanting to have sex with me
@LoveMeNowDad: A microwave with three only buttons. 1. Hot Pocket 2. Pizza Rolls 3. 4 Hot Pockets and 60 Pizza Rolls
@noogscorner: When she stops crying and gets really quiet, keep your guard up. You're experiencing what scientists refer to as "the eye of the shitstorm."
@PaperWash: Before I go out binge drinking I always eat a stick of butter. It doesn't do anything I just make really poor life choices.