@runolgarun: I realized I was an adult when I almost bought napkins instead of taking a wad of free ones from Chipotle. Almost.
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@fantasesay: Beyoncé: I cannot wait to slum it with some earth mortals at - wait what is it called again? Jay-Z: Coachella. Beyoncé: Coachella.
@SCbchbum: I wouldn’t mind being catcalled if it were useful: “Hey baby, boot sale at Macy’s!” or, “Line’s shorter at Starbucks on 5th, sweet cheeks!”
@imdaintyaf: [Dog yoga class] Teacher: Alright, let's go into downward human pose [Dogs hunch over and start pretending to text]
@TheTweetOfGod: You are free to criticize athletes. They are free to criticize you too of course, but they don't, because your job is dull and no one cares.