@RandiLawson: I really hate to get religious on here, but have you seen the thigh gap on Jesus. DAYUM!
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@ODeadInside: "Will someone please just help me open this window? I need to smoke!" Me, drunk on the airplane
@Ygrene: [wife holding box of mac & cheese] the powder packet is missing, weird [me holding large glass of what looks like orange milk] that is weird
@krisv_723: I'm here to make a donation. Nun: Blessings, the orphans could use... *Shoving my kid at her- A brother? I'd like a receipt. For my taxes.