@lovemydogduck: I really hate working late. My ride turns into a pumpkin and I always end up losing a shoe.
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@thedayofthedot: there is nothing wrong with being nice, but there is something wrong with being nice to people.
@TheMongoose69: When I push a door that clearly says pull, it serves as a harsh reminder that I'd make a terrible midwife.
@narcoticpanda: *gets hit by a car* Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?" Me: "Please... I need my... phone" *opens Twitter* Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"