@PressOneForNo: I really hope my 2 year old daughter is this difficult to get into bed when she's 18
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@robfee: Can someone tell me the exact crime I need to commit to get put on house arrest because legally having to cancel plans sounds incredible.
@OfficeofSteve: Whenever the wife asks what I'm eating. I chew faster like a dog and refuse to open my mouth
@RobElliottComic: Top Gun was so unrealistic Everyone knows Tom Cruise can't reach the clutch on a motorcycle
@ComedicBust: *First Date* Her: Hobbies? *thinks about the 50,000 piece Lego Death Star I'm building* Me: Architecture and Astronomy. Her: Impressive.