@Vodkantots: I really hope my family doesn't give me a urinal cake again for my birthday this year.
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@LaziestCanine: A fish's Google search history: - do fish have short term memory? - do fish have short term memory? - do fish have short term memory?
@carlyken: [bank robbery] OK EVERYBODY GET DOWN! [dave starts doing the electric slide] Damn it Dave, not you, go grab the money
@mikeleffingwell: One big plot hole in X-Men is that Wolverine is over 100 yrs old but there's never been a point in history when that was a hairstyle.
@AnkCoupleTO: Bartender: A shot of whiskey can cleanse the soul Me: *thinks back to the time I "experimented" in college* I'll take 27 bottles please