@LoveNLunchmeat: I really need to go on the show Survivor. Not for the money or the fame. It's just the only way I'm ever gonna effectively lose weight.
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@VaguelyFunnyDan: Need expensive surgery? Tell a surgeon you're auditioning a few before picking one. Have them do the surgery then say "OK I'll let you know"
@SatansTongue: *daughter grabs 50 shades of grey* NO! *smacks it out of her hand* "I want to color!" ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK "But daddy-" DON'T CALL ME THAT
@daemonic3: I refuse to participate in scavenger hunts because it's still murder to shoot people even if they were digging in dumpsters.