@qwertying: I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@squirrel74wkgn: *kids running down the stairs* DADDY, DADDY, I HEARD TOYS BUZZING IN YOUR ROOM AND MOMMY SAY, "SANTA CAME EARLY THIS YEAR."
@AntDiPalma: A religious family member literally said "Spongebob goes too far sometimes" and I can not stop laughing.
@Home_Halfway: Keep your coworkers on their feet by beginning your next e-mail with "If you're reading this, I'm already dead."
@sixfootcandy: Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.