@qwertying: I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
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@Kirangandhi: Was feeling particularly adventorous today.so decided to jump off a moving train.now hav to buy my nephew a new train set
@Lance_Said_This: What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there's no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
@omgthatspunny: Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands. I love this joke because it never grows old.