@qwertying: I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
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@sarcasticmommy4: My husband started cooking right after I had cleaned the whole kitchen so he’s basically asking for a divorce.
@TheToddWilliams: Kid: WAAAHH! MY TOY IS BROKEN!! Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won't fix... Kid: mfflr..frrrr..strnnn
@notalogin: Girl are you a prescription from my doctor 'cause you might be good for me but I can't read you at all.