@CherBear162: I really want a Popsicle but I'm so not in the mood for Freezer Jenga.
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@AbrasiveGhost: [Opens a beer at the park] "Dude. There's kids here." Oh shit how rude of me. [turns] IF YOU KIDS WANT SOME BEERS THEYRE IN THE COOLER
@imdaintyaf: Stop fussing over whether the glass is half full or half empty and just marvel at the fact that I managed to produce that much discharge.
@kiel_phillips: INTERVIEWER: So, do you have any questions for me? ME: What's the Wi-Fi password? I: About the job M: What is the company Wi-fi password?