@caribbeanaj: I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.
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@radtoria: Fastening a pendant around my son's neck before dying for him, "Keep this always. The audience won't recognize you as an adult without it"
@themorris23: And remember kids, when you go to Target, there really is no "non creepy" way to ask where the Vaseline is.
@Lowenaffchen: *affixes a second leash to a hot babes dog while shes tying her shoe* would you look at that. we have the exact same dog. this is incredible
@gothicaseas: Always a bridesmaid, never the voice that mysteriously bleeds from the corner of your bedroom wall.