@caribbeanaj: I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.
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@JeffSarcastic: *sends epic tweet* [no likes 3 hours later] *waits 2 weeks, sends again* [no likes 1 day later] *starts typing* NSA: dude, let it go
@hero_ofthenight: I love that movie about BDSM where the guy is a great kisser & ties up grown men & photographs them for money Spider-Man, I love Spider-Man
@truegritrumble: (Halloween Costume Shop) ME: *leaving after not finding anything* CASHIER: *pointing to my face* Those masks aren't free, buddy.