@mydmac: I really wish my twitter crush would scream out my name instead of 'hey you' every time he catches me in the tree in his front yard.
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@joeljeffrey: They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something. Please. You wanna know expertise? I've spent over 300,000 hrs being a moron
@mortimermaiden: Me: I need to go to the doctor but my car won't start. Mechanic: Did you try jumping it? Me: Of course, how did you think I broke my legs?