@kenwhacksit: I received a call from a charity asking me to donate clothes for starving people. Anyone who can fit into my clothes isn't starving!
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@juicymorsel: Pretending you're dead to avoid conversation in the hospital is the worst way to learn how a defibrillator works.
@Supafunkadunka: If your cat brings home a dead bird and presents it to you, don't be rude. Take a little bite.
@WilliamAder: Read the tweet above this one and then the tweet below it. People paid FORTY-FIVE DOLLARS PER SHARE FOR THIS.
@simoncholland: Let's get married and have kids so instead of enjoying coffee in the morning you can braid hair while I pack lunches and we can all be late.