@kenwhacksit: I received a call from a charity asking me to donate clothes for starving people. Anyone who can fit into my clothes isn't starving!
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@JermHimselfish: People who make up phrases and try to pass them off as popular sayings are just throwing meat to the monkeys in the middle of a maelstrom.
@lynyrdsbackyard: I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
@moooooog35: I put JIF Peanut butter in the mousetraps and although I didn't catch any mice I did manage to snag 3 choosy mothers.