@joshgondelman: I refused to ask a guy with a Blackberry what time it was because he doesn't even know what year it is.
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@SaltyCorpse: You're not a real parent until you've secretly wished your child's sports team does bad in a tournament so you can go home early.
@ThaJawn: *hands note Boss: *reading* 'Please excuse my son from' Ridiculous! You're working! *thinking* I practiced my Mom's signature for nothing
@drhappyknuckles: It's embarrassing when you offer a bus seat to a pregnant woman but she's not a pregnant woman, he's your boss and you're stoned at work.
@rad_milk: I dropped a piece of cheese on the airplane and i know it rolled forward and some piece of shit in first class is enjoying it now