@badbanana: I relate to #PizzaRat because if I found a slice of pizza as big as a car you can bet I'd try my best to take that thing home.
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@ElitatheLibra: Miles: Mom what does clitoral damage mean? Me: 😳 Use it in a sentence, baby Miles: Like clitoral damage in a war? Me: Co-lat-er-ul, babe
@kwirkyKerri: All these people on FB posting pics of their kids makes feel so blessed...I don't have ugly children.
@Burtslorp: *Jesus looks over bill from last supper* "It looks like a fair tip would be about 30 silver." "I got this!" Judas yells, almost too quickly.
@Maxine12333: I'm becoming psychic. Looking at a dusty exercise machine and I see a yard sale in its near future.