@badbanana: I relate to #PizzaRat because if I found a slice of pizza as big as a car you can bet I'd try my best to take that thing home.
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@Xoolun: Being a single man has to be depressing when you think that even a guy like Hitler had a girlfriend.
@PoliUncorrect: *Crime Scene Cop: (cuffs the dog) Detective: what the hell are you doing? Cop: Sir, I think we're dealing with a shapeshifter
@JasonLastname: They say 9 or 10 is a good age to tell your kid they were adopted, but only IF they were adopted.