@badbanana: I relate to #PizzaRat because if I found a slice of pizza as big as a car you can bet I'd try my best to take that thing home.
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@007Rex_Inc: *Running late *Light turns green but car in front wont go *About to honk when reads bumper sticker: honk if you love disco *Is late for work
@TheToddWilliams: Earth: Goodnight Moon Moon: … Earth: I said ‘Goodnight Moon’ Moon: … Earth: Look, I don’t choose which days they celebrate Moon: Whatever
@radtoria: Spider Island Day 1: The arachnids are intelligent & friendly hosts. They even built me a hammock to ensure my comfort. Day 2: I was wrong.
@SteveSuckington: [therapy] WIFE: he favors our son over our daughter ME: No way, I love whatsherface just as much as I love Johnny