@paulrobalino: I rely on a little boy to tell me how I feel and boy, are my arms tired?
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@Mirth_Quake: Because 'brunch' sounds better than 'I slept until 2pm, I have a hangover and I want pancakes.'
@katvonwitt: Local news station is airing a segment on free rent in exchange for sex. Look, you don't have to tell me how a marriage works.
@SuperRandomish: When someone asks how I feel, I always answer "Squishy and like I've done something wrong"
@JustDontBugMe: [Getting married] Hey, thanks for doing this with me... I wasn't sure how to operate the microwave.