@JosesLovesYou: I remember back in the day when you had to roll up a tiny scroll and give it to a falcon to tweet
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@dafloydsta: WIFE: He treats our marriage like it's a talk show THERAPIST: Is this true? ME: *turns and winks at camera* We'll find out after the break
@TEXASVETERAN: Neighbor thinks I'm stalking her. Any time she hears a noise she is purified. Petrified! Sorry, not easy reading a diary thru binoculars.
@2thestreetz: If you want world peace, your army should be made up of massage therapists. I mean, who could fight while getting a relaxing massage?