@mstluvstrinkets: I remember, before kids, saying funny things like, "my kids won't be watching TV and they most certainly won't be eating chicken nuggets!"
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@dshack8: 50% of fatherhood is repeating yourself. Other 50% is untangling your kid from the shirt stuck on their head cause you didn't unbutton it.
@earnestaugust: She asked if I noticed anything different about her & I said no. Then I noticed she was angrier than usual.
@jergarl: Wife: Whatya doin? Me: I fixed the toilet so I'm adding Potty Fixer to my résumé W: You mean Plumber? M: DO I LOOK LIKE A HOUSE SCIENTIST?
@Ivsy01: I like extremes. I want a nerd, but he's gotta be an extreme nerd. Like I don't even want to understand what he's talking about.