@mstluvstrinkets: I remember, before kids, saying funny things like, "my kids won't be watching TV and they most certainly won't be eating chicken nuggets!"
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@GensPlace: Spiders have it about right. If he doesn't bring her a snack when he courts her it's curtains..
@InternetHippo: [inventing dialup internet] What should it sound like when it's connecting? [guy in the back stands up confidently] Pterodactyls
@ATorres2181: *walks in *wife is murdered *looks at mirror (Written in blood) YOUR NEXT "My next what? *from the closet "Oh sorry typo I meant you're.