@UnFitz: I remember when it was called "drinking a glass of water" instead of "hydrating."
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@RoosterMustache: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like "hey thanks" and I'm like "I'm just happy to be a part of this nice community"
@ltsKermit: mom: who’s your background? me: my boyfriend mom: can i meet him? me: not before i do mom: what? me: what?
@sofarrsogud: ME: This is false advertising. I've been here an hour and nobody has even touched me. So lonely. COP: Again, not what a holding cell is for