@UnFitz: I remember when it was called "drinking a glass of water" instead of "hydrating."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@WillGeorgese: “Relax. It’s not a competition.” “Right. That’s what I say.” “But I said it first.”
@poizngrl: The difference between kids waking you up and an alarm clock, is that you can throw the alarm across the room
@yoyoha: "I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK IT SOUNDS GROSS THAT'S WHAT WE'RE CALLING IT" - Guy who named the sweater.
@Ygrene: [God Creating Dads] God: Ah, yes. Think I'm done Dads: Hi Done, we're Dads! God: Dads: God: *creates the adjustable thermostat*