@2tickytacky: I remember when "Something's eating up data." meant that guy from Star Trek was deeply troubled.
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@Crutnacker: Biden: I painted "Michelle Obama 2020" on your bedroom ceiling Obama: 😳 Biden: Glow in the dark paint
@SirEviscerate: GIRL: Spirit, should I have sex with this guy? ME: *tries to push the ouija pointer to yes but it won't move* (under breath) grandma, PLEASE
@iGreenMonk: I just wish my ex-wife could look down from Heaven and see me now. But no, she's still alive.
@shesxridiculous: If I was a waitress, I would plant fake engagement rings in every girls champagne glass, just to watch the boyfriends panic.