@2tickytacky: I remember when "Something's eating up data." meant that guy from Star Trek was deeply troubled.
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@CoopSoSarc: Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
@Brampersandon_: GF (from 2nd floor window): either the trampoline goes or I go! ME: It ... was ... nice ... knowing ... you
@Seinfeld2000: KIM KARDASHIAN: Elane you GOTA see the BABY ELANE: I follow you on instagram. Im gona see it
@BromanConsul: GOD: hey can I have one of your ribs Adam: what for GOD: uhh science project Adam: you hate science GOD: look do u wanna get laid or not