@bingowings14: I removed Sean Connery's limbs & replaced them with Daniel Craig's arms & Pierce Brosnan's legs. They formed an unlikely Bond.
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@HeyZeus666: My dad use to take me to the circus to see the tattooed man and the bearded lady. Now, I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
@BobTheSuit: Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I'm riding a Big Wheel on the freeway? Officer: A STOLEN BIG WHEEL
@tarashoe: if i'm bleeding out in an alley & you approach me w/an app that would save me, but i'd have to login using facebook, i'd be fine w/just dyin
@tastefactory: Manager: Your fired Me: *You're Manager: How did you know I spelled it wrong if I spoke it out loud Me: How did you know I corrected you