@juliussharpe: I rented a tuxedo then didn't need it. Do you know how hard it is to sublet a tuxedo?
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@simoncholland: When my wife asks me to do that one thing in the bedroom that she really likes, she's talking about vacuuming.
@sumpeoplelikeit: If you have a tattoo on your head, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at.
@rolldiggity: 1. Sit in stall of a crowded bathroom. 2. Whisper, "Oh no, not again..." 3. Slowly pour a large bucket of milk onto the floor.
@darrinfb: I just found a halloween candy on my lawn and ate it. So I guess I AM able to live off the land if I ever needed to.