@Ideal_Victoria: I replace all the family pictures my coworkers have on their desks with pictures of baby sloths and suddenly I need professional help?!?
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@OctopusCaveman: If children are the future, we're doomed. Kids suck at a lot of stuff. Have you ever heard a kid read aloud? It's a nightmare.
@SchlubbyHubby: Lately I'm very optimistic about the future of my marriage... I caught my husband on Tinder, so hopefully he'll meet somebody... soon...
@Up2Long: Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I'm stalking you" was much funnier in my head.