@MrFornicator: I replaced the bulb in my refrigerator with a tanning bulb... that way if I ever get fat, at least I'll have nice color.
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@macchiatonumb: *Me getting pulled over* Me:license and registration please? Guy police officer :I pulled u over.. Me:do u really want to argue with me?
@TheRolo: [Ouija board] Me: Demon? I-W-I-L-L-E-A-T-Y-O-U-R-E-S-O-U-L Me: *your Y-O-U-K-N-O-W W-H-A-T-I-D-O-N-T-W-A-N-T-Y-O-U-R-S-O-U-L-A-N-Y-M-O-R-E
@danguterman: Sick of the media always blaming video games for the rise in fantastical jewel-seeking quests.