@MrFornicator: I replaced the bulb in my refrigerator with a tanning bulb... that way if I ever get fat, at least I'll have nice color.
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@KentWGraham: After Jaws, I wouldn’t go in water. After the Godfather, I wouldn’t eat at Italian restaurants. I wish I’d seen the Omen before having kids.
@hasht4g: What if all countries have ninjas, and we only know about the Asian ones because they suck?
@elspetheastman: Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: I'M RIPE NOW Avocado: okay you were in the bathroom so I rotted