@Darlainky: I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I've no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I'll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
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@Brianhopecomedy: Ugh, I may have lost my "World's Best Dad" keychain. My 2 year old was playing with it an hour ago but I don't know where she went.
@jackiembouvier: I just saw a girl hang half her body out the window of her car to give someone the finger. She is my spirit animal.
@PandAmonnia: *boyfriend calls girlfriend* Bf: "Hey Babe, I love you!" Gf: "we're breaking up" Bf: "no we're not, I can hear you just fine."