@weinerdog4life: I rescued a seagull, taught it karate and named it Steven, so what?
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@Habbibti: A grand jury is made up of a cross-section of the community. I ride the train w/the cross-section & it's mostly people peeing on the floor.
@KKAlThani: An alarm clock that sends the person you like one of your deleted mirror pictures every time you hit the snooze button.
@SatansTongue: *snail Olympics* How does it feel? "Well it took 4 years but I finished the marathon" And how will you prepare for it again tomorrow? "What"
@briancthayer: Kids, eat your vegetables. *reluctantly, they eat* [2 hrs later] *I eavesdrop on their convo* Daughter: Unionizing will help us bargain.