@RorynotRoy: I respect how the Hamburglar was like, "Hey, I know I'm at rock bottom here, but I'm going to be professional about it and wear a tie."
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@MoneypennyNaked: Every time I text this guy, he replies with "Sorry, I'm driving." It's been a few days. I'm guessing he's probably made it to Mexico by now.
@Reverend_Scott: DOG 911: What's ur emer- DOG: OWNER IS CATCHIN POKEMON DOG 911: So DOG: HE'S THROWING BALLS BUT I CAN'T FIND THEM DOG 911: OMG DOG: OMG
@sarcasticmommy4: A quick way to get your kids to leave you alone is to say, "I need to make your dentist appointment."