@canadian_jane: I respect strippers because its really hard to dance by yourself and not look stupid.
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@ohen39: doctor: [handing me my new born baby] I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it me: [handing baby back to him] bring me the one my wife made
@DanMentos: "Bob's coming over" Bob from work or Bob who thinks he's a cop? *knock on door* OPEN UP, POLICE *flushing drugs down toilet* "Bob from work"
@thejamietighe: Boss: Why is there an olive in your water? Me: What water? Oh yeah this, this is definitely water.