@Thaat_guy: I retweeted my boss to let her know that I know she's tweeting during the meeting.
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@aneesa_p: First rule of brown girl club: Don't wear pink & white striped shirts; you'll look like Neopolitan ice cream.
@marcia_bee: Found an old Tom Jones CD and my underwear drawer flew wide open and all my undies threw themselves at my stereo.
@abbycohenwl: She: But WHY are you breaking up with me? Please tell me honestly. He (sigh): Ok It's...your "signature sex move" She: Judgmental Corpse?
@DowntimeDad: I just want to have the poker face of a toddler that tells you that they didn't poop their pants.