@Donna_McCoy: I reward people who go looking for dust in my house with the satisfaction of finding some.
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@candy_badass: Loneliness Status: Eating donuts and talking to the dog. He seems interested, but I think it's the donut.
@iwearaonesie: complaining about your wife's stories will result in having to sit through her story about the time you complained about her stories
@BucMarvin: Me: let's go get a baby dinosaur. Wife: where are we going to get a baby dinosaur? M: at the babysaurus store. W: Baby's R Us you idiot.
@SarcasticAlly12: Motherhood is like being a fireman putting out fires but everyone is shouting out how you're doing it wrong and criticizing your sweatpants.