@juliussharpe: I root against my college football team. That place put me $80,000 in debt. It'd be like rooting for the bank that holds your mortgage.
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@funnybeachgirl: Energizing breakfast smoothie: 1. 2 cups chopped kale 2. 1 ripe banana 3. 1/8 tsp flax oil 4. 1/2 cup coconut water 5. 3 grams of cocaine
@PhoenixRises69: iPhone 5s fitted with fingerprint recognition. I'll sleep easier knowing that if my phone gets stolen, they'll likely chop off my hand too.
@CloydRivers: If you plant a block of ramen noodles in the ground and water it with cold ones every day, it will grow into a college kid. It's science.
@KeetPotato: me: "£4,000 for a beehive?" salesman: "sir, there are 8,000 bees in there, that's only 50p each" me: [checking my wallet] "give me 3 bees"