@MrGeorgeWallace: I run a gambling ring where we throw humidifiers and dehumidifiers into a pit and let 'em fight that shit out.
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@ericsshadow: Instead of a DING DONG sound, I wish my doorbell would explain to the person how much I don't want to get off the couch.
@iAmDelFreaky: I didn't think a McDonald's Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did... OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
@smashbrown_: Gas prices have me feeling like I'm robbing the gas station. "Just leave, before they change their mind."
@SadieSmithRoks: A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.