@distracted_monk: I said I was a man with a plan. I said nothing about it being a good plan.
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@VirgoSherry: My grandmother told me the secret to staying thin is.......if it tastes good spit it out.
@TheSharona06: Instead of smiling and nodding through a conversation, try clapping and nodding. People will stop talking to you.
@heymonroe: *notices girl singing song that's on in coffee shop* Me: You're a Cher fan too!? Her: Hold on *takes off bluetooth* Her: What? *dies alone*