@freebirdy31: I said I was sorry three times looking in the mirror and now I'm in Canada
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@MumsieEsq: Tweets are like your children: you love them all at first, you never know how they’ll age, and most of them you regret creating.
@KenJennings: LIFE HACK tell the hotel you forgot your toothbrush. They don't even check, they just give you a brand new one!!! It's so sweet
@TheDreamGhoul: *sees window washer in a harness outside office high rise* *holds up sign from desk* YOU'RE NOT EVEN FLYING EVERYONE CAN SEE THE STRINGS
@envydatropic: 75% of parenting is taking their keys to punish them And giving them back because they're driving you crazy