@freebirdy31: I said I was sorry three times looking in the mirror and now I'm in Canada
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@Carbosly: Me blacking out when I'm drunk is God's way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
@kelkulus: A dating app called "Hinder" where some guy shows up in the middle of every date and ruins everything.
@deardilettante: I am literally the only one at this baby shower who turned up with champagne & a coat hanger.