@NotThatKevin: I said my wife's name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet's empty...
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@Sean_Burgundy_: [1st date] Waiter: Can I get you a drink ma'am ? Me: Wow really bro right in front of me?
@BrainFumbles: "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the tru-" I choose dare, your honor "Bailiff, please hi-five the defendant"
@trevso_electric: Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won't understand how many calories are in it.