@NotThatKevin: I said my wife's name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet's empty...
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@rivalpunks: In middle school, I had a crush on a kid named BJ. When you write Heather loves BJ on your notebooks, you make a lot of friends.
@JohnBirmingham: Took my Airpods into the Apple Store yesterday. They sounded tinny and distant. Turned out I had them in the wrong ears and back to front. I am an award winning technology columnist. This is my story.
@dariatbh: I hope all the friends I've made in the bathroom at 1am are still SO pretty and everything worked out with that boy they were drunk texting