@causticbob: I said to my wife, 'Hey, I really love these new furry condoms.''
'Bob, that's a cat.'
@CantWaitToNap: "Lethal Weapon" is my favorite movie about how to fix a dislocated shoulder.
@WildeThingy: Ultracrepidarianism is the habit of giving opinions & advice on matters outside one's knowledge or competence.
Or, as I call it, tweeting.
@QwertyJones3: My excitement about your Indian food is largely dependent on your pronunciation of "cumin".
@CulturedRuffian: I never had to swim for my life in a shark attack but once I had to doggy-paddle really fast to get out of a pool when it was dessert time.
@Steelers1972: I know I'm getting old when I see a beautiful 19 year old girl and I wonder what her mother looks like.