@causticbob: I said to my wife, 'Hey, I really love these new furry condoms.''
'Bob, that's a cat.'
@ChaseMit: Hey, people who act like they're about to fight but are really friends, you are FREAKING the rest of us out.
@ch000ch: ME [8:49PM]: on my way, taking a crab
GF [8:50PM]: u mean a cab
ME [8:52PM]: not exactly. be there in several days
@ManvAlcohol: Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you're no detective.
@daemonic3: [spelling bee]
Your word is 'golfed'
"May I have it in a sentence please?"
Sure. He golfed with a tee.
@meganamram: Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won't send MY dog to obedience school